Author Archives: engineerwhojournals

WHEN TIME SPEEDS UP: A REALIZATION AT MID-30S

It is almost the end of 2025.

I am sitting here trying to work out: Where did this year go?

Not in the philosophical sense. In the literal sense.

I blink, and it is Monday. I blink again, and it is Friday. I look up, and the year is nearly over.

And I have no idea how we got here so fast.

The Same Time, Different Speed

Here is what puzzles me:

A minute is still 60 seconds. An hour is still 60 minutes. A day is still 24 hours.

The units have not changed.

Yet somehow, this year felt faster than any year before it.

Not just fast. Accelerated.

And I kept asking myself: Why?

Then I realized something uncomfortable: I crossed over.

The Other Side of Mid-30s

I am now in my mid-30s. On the other side. Closer to 40 than to 30.

And something shifted.

In my 20s, time felt abundant. A year was long. Plans could wait. I had time.

Even in my early 30s, there was still that feeling: “Plenty of time ahead.”

But now? Time feels scarce.

Not because I have less of it objectively. But because I am suddenly aware of how finite it is.

It is like standing at halftime. Not that life works that way—I know it could end tomorrow or continue for decades. But the feeling is real.

The awareness that I am no longer at the beginning. That what I do now shapes the rest, not just “the future.”

The luxury of time I felt in my 20s? Gone.

How Time Changed

The strangest part is how I experience weeks now.

Monday arrives. I start the week with plans, intentions, things to do.

Then suddenly—it is already the weekend.

Not gradually. Suddenly.

Like time compressed. Like the week got shorter even though it is still seven days.

And I find myself puzzled: How is it done already?

This happens over and over.

Week after week. Month after month. And now, year after year.

Why This Happens

I have been thinking about why time feels faster now.

And I think it is this:

When you are young, every week is different. New experiences. New firsts. New patterns forming.

But as you settle into life—job, routines, responsibilities—weeks start looking the same.

Monday feels like the last Monday. This week feels like last week.

And when experiences repeat without variation, your brain compresses them.

It is like driving a familiar route versus a new one.

The new route feels long because you are paying attention to every turn.

The familiar route? You arrive and barely remember the drive.

That is what is happening to my weeks. To my year.

The Uncomfortable Realization

So I am sitting here at the end of 2025, and I realize:

If I keep doing what I have been doing, the next five years will pass in what feels like five weeks.

Not because time will actually speed up.

But because sameness makes time invisible.

And invisible time is lost time.

The Connection to Inertia

This connects directly to what I wrote last week about Newton’s Law.

A body in motion stays in motion. A body at rest stays at rest.

Your life continues in the direction it is already going unless you apply force to change it.

But here is what I did not say then:

The force needs to be applied NOW. Not someday. NOW.

Because time does not stand still.

Every week that passes in sameness is a week closer to “too late.”

Not dramatically. But cumulatively.

The Illusion of “Later”

When you are in your 20s, “later” feels real.

“I will start that business later.”
“I will travel later.”
“I will learn that skill later.”
“I will make that change later.”

And it is fine because “later” feels infinite.

But now, in my mid-30s, I am starting to see:

“Later” is not infinite. It is shrinking.

Not because I am running out of time objectively.

But because the years compress. The weeks blur. And suddenly, five years have passed and nothing changed.

Short-Term Thinking Keeps You Stuck

Here is the trap:

We think in the short term. Days. Weeks. Maybe months.

And in the short term, not changing feels fine.

You do not go to the gym today? You do not look different tomorrow.

You do not work on the business idea this week? Nothing dramatic happens next week.

You do not have the difficult conversation this month? The situation stays manageable for another month.

So nothing changes.

Because we cannot see the impact of small decisions in the short term.

But zoom out to five years? Ten years?

That is where the compound effect shows.

The person who did not go to the gym “today” for 1,825 days (5 years)—their health tells a different story now.

The person who did not work on the business idea “this week” for 260 weeks (5 years)—the idea is still just an idea.

The person who did not have the difficult conversation “this month” for 60 months (5 years)—the relationship is unrecognizable now.

The Illustration

Imagine a ship.

A small adjustment to the rudder—just one degree—does not look like much in the moment.

The ship is still pointing mostly the same direction. The horizon looks the same. Nothing dramatic has changed.

But sail for 100 miles with that one-degree shift?

You end up in a completely different place.

That is what we do not see in the short term. The one-degree changes seem meaningless.

But over time—over years—they compound into entirely different destinations.

What Got You Here Keeps You Here

Here is another uncomfortable truth:

What got you to where you are now will keep you exactly where you are now.

The habits. The routines. The patterns. The defaults.

If you do not change them, five years from now you will be in almost the same place.

A bit older. A bit more tired. But fundamentally, the same.

Not because you failed. But because you stayed in motion without changing direction.

Newton’s First Law again.

The Realization That Is Hitting Me

So here is where I am at the end of 2025:

I do not have forever.

Not in the morbid sense. But in the practical sense.

If I keep letting weeks blur into months and months blur into years, I will look up one day and wonder where my 30s went. Where my 40s went.

And the plans I had? Still plans.

The changes I meant to make? Still unmade.

The life I wanted to build? Still just imagined.

Because I kept thinking “later.”

What This Means for 2026

So I am sitting here, trying to figure out how to review 2025 and plan for 2026.

And I realize: I cannot plan like I used to.

I cannot set annual goals and hope they happen.

I cannot rely on vague intentions and assume time will sort it out.

Because time is not on my side anymore. Not because I am running out. But because it is moving faster than I realized.

So whatever I am going to do differently, it needs to start now.

Not in January. Not “once things settle.” Now.

Small changes. One-degree shifts. But consistent over time.

Because five years from now, I do not want to be sitting here wondering where 2026-2030 went.

I want to look back and see: The small shifts compounded. The direction changed. I ended up somewhere different.

The Question I Am Sitting With

As 2025 ends, here is what I am asking myself:

If the next five years pass as fast as this one did, what do I want to have done differently?

Not big dramatic changes. Just small, consistent redirections.

Because time will pass either way.

Weeks will turn into months. Months into years.

The only question is: Will I look the same when I arrive? Or will the small course corrections have taken me somewhere new?

Time is not slowing down. If anything, it feels like it is speeding up. What is one small shift you can make this week that, compounded over five years, changes your destination?

WHEN ROUTINE BECOMES A TRAP: A LIFE LESSON FROM NEWTON’S FIRST LAW

I found myself thinking back to my high school physics classes recently.

There was one idea that stuck with me more than I expected: Newton’s First Law of Motion.

Back then, it felt like just another formula to memorise.

But as I have grown older, I have started seeing parts of my life inside that simple statement.

Newton said something like this:

A body at rest stays at rest, and a body in motion stays in motion, unless acted upon by an external force.

Put simply: things remain exactly as they are until something acts on them to change.

The more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable the connection became. Because our lives often play out the same way.

I realised that most days, I follow the same script without thinking:

Wake up.

Go to work.

Do what I did yesterday.

Drive home using the same route.

Scroll through my phone the same way.

Different days. Same movement.

And here’s the part that hit me:

We rarely change direction unless something forces us to.

Think about it.

How many only start paying attention to their finances after debt finally catches up with them?       

How many people only start a business after retiring or losing a job?

How many only change their health after a doctor gives a warning?

How many only learn to prioritise family after a scare wakes them up?

Just like Newton described, we remain in motion or remain stuck until something hits us hard enough to push us somewhere else.

That realisation stung a little, because I saw myself in it too.

The Lesson: We Are Not Objects—We Don’t Need a Force to Change

We are not stationary bodies.

We don’t have to wait for life to push us off the path we are stuck in.

Routine has its place.

But when routine becomes a trap, it stops being stability and starts becoming stagnation.

The truth is simple:

Sometimes the “external force” you are waiting for… is You.

Change doesn’t have to come from external forces.
Sometimes, it can come from us.

A small shift. 

A new habit. 

A different choice. 

A willingness to step outside the box you have been living in.

Routine is useful.
But routine can also turn into inertia—the silent force that keeps us living the same year repeatedly, only with different calendars.

And so I have been asking myself this question lately:

What small action can I take that shifts my direction—before life is forced to do it for me?

Maybe that’s the question worth asking today.

Not because we need to abandon our routines…
But because every so often, we need to remind ourselves:

A meaningful life is not lived in autopilot.
And we don’t need a crisis to change course.

So as you think about where you are today, ask yourself:

What small force will you apply to your own trajectory this week—before life decides to apply it for you?

HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE LEFT?

 I found myself thinking about time recently—not in terms of hours or years, but in terms of cycles.

Not “How much time do I have?” but “How many more times will I get to do the things that matter?”

It’s a question that hit me harder than I expected.

I realised that when I look back at the things I say I want to do, taking trips with my wife, catching up with friends, improving the business ideas I have already started, and even doing more for my daughter and people I care about, I haven’t done most of them as often as I thought I had.

In some cases, I had only done them once. Or not at all.

So I started asking myself:

  • How many times did I meet friends or relatives—intentionally, not by chance?

  • How many times did I go out on holiday with my wife?

  • How many times did I spoil myself, without guilt?

  • How many times did I deliberately work on a business idea?

  • How many times did I say, “One day we will have that braai,”… and never did?

  • How many reunions have I been talking about but never attended?

And the answers were uncomfortable.

The Pattern: Time Isn’t What We Think It Is

I discovered that many of these things didn’t happen, not because I didn’t care, but because I secretly assumed they would happen someday.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought life would eventually “make space” for them.

But time is deceptive.

When we think in years-“I have got plenty of life ahead”, we create the illusion that we will eventually do the things we keep postponing.

Yet here’s the truth that shook me:

If you do something once every ten years, then you don’t have ten more years to do it again…
You only have one more time.

If you haven’t started that business, taken that trip, or had that reunion in the last 5 or 10 years, chances are you may continue not doing it.
The pattern of your past behaviour predicts your future behaviour more than the number of years on the calendar.

We often count our lives in years, but we rarely count the iterations — the actual number of times we do the things that matter.

And life is lived in iterations.

The Lesson: Count the Times, Not the Years

Instead of asking, “How much time do I have?”, I have begun asking:

“How many more times will I get to do this?”

Because the truth is, we don’t act on every day that comes.
What shapes our experience is not the number of days we live, but the number of times we repeat the things that matter.

Look at your own trajectory.

If you have only travelled once in the last ten years, how many more times will you realistically travel before you are too old—or the person you want to travel with is too old to enjoy it?

Three times?
Four?
Maybe fewer?

If the only time you go out with your spouse is on birthdays or anniversaries, then you really have two opportunities a year.
Two—no matter how long you both live.

The more we believe we “still have time,” the more we procrastinate on the activities that give life its meaning.

So maybe the shift we need is small but powerful:

Stop counting the years.
Start counting the times.

What is one meaningful activity you want to increase—not someday, but right now?

THE LIFE EXAM: WHY A 5-MINUTE PAUSE DETERMINES YOUR LIFE’S OUTCOME

I recently recalled the intense, almost unbearable atmosphere of my university examination hall. We used to nickname it “The Titanic”. It was an inside joke, a reflection of the rigid structure and the collective dread. Sitting at those desks, with years of study leading to this moment, it felt less like a test of knowledge and more like a high-stakes moment where the future of your entire life was being determined. The tension in The Titanic was unmistable. As you found your assigned desk, the air was thick with silent anxiety. Then came the moment: the invigilator’s voice cutting through the silence, followed by the shuffling sound of question papers being passed, face down, onto our desks. The first rule, usually printed boldly on the cover, was immediate: 

“DO NOT START UNTIL INSTRUCTED. READ ALL INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY.”

The invigilator would then announce: “You now have five minutes to go through the paper.” This period was strictly for reading and strategizing; writing was forbidden.

I realized that this mandatory five-minute pause—this moment of strategic calm before the chaos—is a perfect template for life itself. Those instructions laid out the entire strategy for the next three hours. They told us: How many questions are on the paper? How many are you required to answer? What is the maximum mark for each question? They provided a finite time limit. This strategic assessment allowed us to prioritize and manage our time efficiently. It meant the difference between passing and failing. If you plunged into the first question without looking at the whole picture, you risked spending an hour on a question worth five marks and having no time left for the section worth fifty. Only after the five minutes were up would the invigilator permit us to begin writing.

Yet, in life, we skip this vital assessment. There is no official “invigilator” to enforce a five-minute review. The questions of our lives—What is my purpose? Who is my life partner? How should I invest my energy?—arrive, and we tend to just start writing, driven by impulse or comparison. I discovered we fail to grasp that each of us is sitting with our own unique question paper. We watch others and try to copy their solutions, not realizing their set of challenges and gifts is completely different from ours.

The painful truth often appears towards the end of the allotted time. As life’s timer runs down, we panic, realising that the questions we avoided were the ones worth the most marks—the questions with the greatest reward. Think about the sheer jolt of panic when the invigilator announces, “Thirty minutes left!” in a three-hour exam. Suddenly, the questions that seemed incomprehensible begin to crystalize. The answers, the structure, the deep understanding—it all floods in when it’s almost too late. We frantically muscle up all our focus and try to write, but inevitably, we run out of time. Even worse, when we finally look at those previously avoided high-value questions, I’ve often found that they weren’t necessarily difficult; they were simply more involving to understand initially. We confused complexity with difficulty.

I realized that the key to passing is adopting the exam room discipline from the start. We must pause and identify the core questions of our lives: “Who am I?” and “Why am I here?” These fundamental inquiries are not simple, but answering them builds the confidence and context needed to swiftly handle all the other questions of career, family, and legacy. The difference between success and failure in any major life decision is often just the simple act of taking a five-minute pause for strategy instead of rushing to execution.

Let it be your resolve to approach the “Life Exam” with the humility of a student who understands the stakes. Since this is your unique paper, your unique life, take the time to read and assimilate those initial instructions. When you understand the main question, the rest of the exam—the rest of your life—becomes dramatically easier to answer, allowing you to proceed with confidence.

What major life decision are you facing right now that would benefit from five minutes of “instruction reading” before you act?

THREE YEARS ON AUTOPILOT: THE DAY I REALIZED I HAD STOPPED REVIEWING MY LIFE

Three Years of Drift, One Decision to Reset. The Journal Was Always Waiting

I sat down yesterday to do something I used to do regularly: review my day.

As I opened my journal, I noticed the date on the last entry. 26th June 2022.

Over Three years ago.

The realization hit harder than I expected. Three years. Over a thousand days had passed since the last time I deliberately paused to look back at my life, to examine what was working and what wasn’t, to ask myself the hard questions.

Three years of living without reflection.

I am not proud of that number. But I am writing about it because I suspect am not alone.

When the Current Carries You

Here’s what happened during those three years:

I didn’t become lazy. I didn’t stop working. In fact, I was busier than ever.

There was work; always demanding, always urgent. There was the building project, consuming time, money and mental energy. There was family activities, responsibilities, commitments.

Good things. Important things.

But somewhere in the midst of all that motion, I stopped being deliberate.

I was setting weekly goals every Sunday. Writing them down. Feeling productive. But then? I wouldn’t look at them again until the following Sunday when I would wonder why so little had changed.

I was living in what someone once called “the poverty of intentions.”

Beautiful goals. Wonderful plans. Good intentions.

But no follow-through. No accountability. No review.

And without review, I couldn’t see my blind spots. I couldn’t see where I was drifting. I couldn’t course-correct.

The Autopilot Trap

The dangerous thing about autopilot is that it doesn’t feel like failure.

You are still moving. Still busy. Still checking boxes.

But you are not choosing the direction. The current of external forces is carrying you.

Work dictates your schedule. Projects consume your evenings. Family activities fill your weekends. Social media fills the gaps.

And before you know it, three years have passed, and you realize you have been a passenger in your own life.

This is what I discovered when I finally sat down to review:

I hadn’t been working on myself. I had been working on everything around myself.

The Fundamentals We Abandon

I used to have a practice. A simple one.

At least once a week—sometimes more, depending on what life demanded, I would take time to:

  • Replay the tape of my week
  • Notice what went well
  • Identify what I could improve
  • Ask myself hard questions
  • Write it all down in my journal
  • Adjust the coming week based on what I learned

It wasn’t complicated. It didn’t require special tools or elaborate systems. Just a notebook and honest reflection.

But it was fundamental.

And somewhere along the way, I convinced myself I was too busy to do it.

That was the first domino.

When you stop journaling, you stop reviewing. When you stop reviewing, you stop seeing. When you stop seeing, you stop adjusting. When you stop adjusting, you drift.

And drift compounds.

What Three Years of Drift Cost Me

I won’t pretend I know the full cost yet. I am still assessing.

But I know this:

There were business ideas I journaled about in 2022 that are still just journal entries in 2025. There were relationships I meant to invest in that have grown distant. There were habits I intended to build that never took root.

And then there is this blog.

I started 3D SUCCESS in 2021 with a clear intention: to share lessons from my life on a regular basis. For over a year, I did exactly that. I wrote. I reflected publicly. I processed my observations into insights for myself first, and hopefully for others too.

The last post? Mid-2022.

The same time I stopped journaling. The same time I stopped reviewing my days.

It’s not a coincidence. When you stop reflecting privately, you stop having anything meaningful to share publicly. The blog didn’t go silent because I ran out of experiences. I was living through plenty. It went silent because I stopped processing those experiences into lessons.

Without the daily review, I was just moving through events, not learning from them. And without learning, there was nothing to write about that felt authentic or earned.

The journal is the mirror. Without it, you can’t see what’s actually happening. You only see what you think is happening.

And those two things are rarely the same.

The Reset

So yesterday, I sat down and did the review.

It was uncomfortable. Seeing three years of drift written in dates and unfulfilled intentions isn’t easy.

But it was also necessary.

Because here’s what I know: A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

And yesterday was my first step back.

Not back to perfection. Not back to having it all figured out. Just back to the fundamentals.

Back to the daily review. Back to deliberate living. Back to being the author of my days instead of a passenger.

I am not promising I will never drift again. But I am promising myself that I won’t drift for three years without noticing.

The Question You Might Be Avoiding

I am writing this not as someone who has mastered reflection, but as someone who just discovered, painfully what happens when you abandon it.

So let me ask you:

When was the last time you deliberately reviewed your life?

Not just thought about it while scrolling your phone. Not just felt vaguely dissatisfied.

But actually sat down, looked at where you have been, where you are going, and whether those two things align?

If it’s been a while, I understand. I just lived through three years of “a while.”

But maybe today is the day we both reset.

Maybe today is the day we stop letting the current carry us and start steering again.

When was the last time you truly reviewed your day, not to judge yourself, but to understand where your life is actually going?

And what might you notice if you did?

SHORTNESS OF LIFE

 I arrived at work after taking a few days off ready to hit the ground running. Upon my arrival in the office, I was alerted by a notification of an online emergency meeting starting in 5 minutes time. 

“Emergency meeting! I wonder what that is about?” I thought.

5 minutes later, the meeting started and our Manager Director solemnly announced the passing of one of our colleagues in the most unfortunate accident.

I couldn’t believe it! This was a person I saw on Saturday driving his company car in traffic. He was laughing and joyful as he spoke to his colleague in the car. Everything seemed perfect and it was going to be a great weekend. Little did I know that later that day he would be in an emergency room battling for his life in excruciating pain and in a few days he would be no more.

 

After the announcement, there was a stunned silence as everyone was in shock. There was no warning for this. There was a sudden shift in everyone’s day as it became dark and gloomy. 

I remained in silence trying to swallow this bitter pill. Why is the question I kept asking myself.


“Why him? Why did he have to be in that place at that particular time? Why did the driver lose control? Why didn’t the driver use another route?”

I looked at the different scenarios which could have avoided this situation. But nothing could change what had happened. He was no more.

After knocking off that day, I went home and as I am currently reading the bible book of Psalms, this day it was number 39. I found King David’s words at Psalms 39:4-6 timely:

“O Jehovah, help me to know what my end will be, And the measure of my days, So that I may know how short my life is. Indeed, you have made my days just a few; And my life span is as nothing before you. Surely every man, though he seems secure, is nothing but a mere breath. Surely every man walks about like a shadow. He rushes around for nothing. He piles up wealth, not knowing who will enjoy it.”

This made me pause and reflect. It is moments like these that remind us of how fragile life is. The Psalmist echoed this throughout Psalm 39.

One of the most difficult things is to find comfort when tragedy strikes more especially when you lose a loved one. I found this talk I recorded particularly helpful in such times.

Rather than being afraid, such moments should stir us to be more present and appreciate the life that we have now. Let us live each day as though it is our last because one day it will.

Ultimately, who is your hope.? Where does your future lie?

King David asked and answered this question in Psalm 39:7 when he wrote.

“What, then, can I hope for, O Jehovah? You are my only hope.”


5 LESSONS ON MY 2ND WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

No matter how beautiful a garden is in the beginning, if left unattended it will start having weeds and eventually lose its beauty. 

A marriage should never be left to chance or on autopilot. It must be nurtured like a garden. This may not always be easy, but worthwhile if the garden is nurtured by both parties involved.

Today, on my second wedding anniversary, I reflect on the key lessons that I have learnt so far since we embarked on this journey with my wife.

1. Understand each other’s Love Language

When we got married, my wife would make comments like:

“You don’t spend time with me, it’s like your phone is more important to you than me.”

At the time, I didn’t understand because each time I would knock off from work, I went straight home, and we would spend most of the evening in the same room. We would sit on the same couch and watch TV together for most parts of our evening. I didn’t get why she would say that and for most parts I would just let it go thinking it is just how women are. 

A friend of mine had recommended a book prior to our wedding titled 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. One day as I passed through a bookstore, I saw the book and picked it up. It was a game changer! We came to understand our love languages. The book  helped me understand that being with someone in the same room while on the phone is not the same as spending time together, especially if someone’s love language is quality time. My wife also got to know what activities she can focus on to make me feel more loved (Acts of service). 

What is your love language? What is your partner’s love language? 

Understanding this may be the difference between a happy marriage and an unhappy one.

2. Schedule activities you enjoy doing together

During our dating phase, we were so spontaneous as we went on several dates and took some adventure trips. We spoke of how we would continue to do this even in marriage. Fast forward 1 year down the line, there was hardly any trip we took apart from the honeymoon.

Afterwards, we were embroiled in the busyness of life. Bills to pay, projects to undertake, never ending pressure at work, family issues, etc. There was hardly any time, or money left over to do things for fun. 

The spontaneity which worked during the dating phase wasn’t there anymore. At the beginning of 2nd year, we realized that the biggest problem wasn’t that we didn’t want to go out on more dates, but it was not clear when and how we would go about it. Two critical things we identified were time and resources. 

Schedule the main and minor adventures (things you enjoy) to undertake and around which periods of the year, month and week depending on the activity. Also set aside some money (e.g. percentage of income, etc) each month to go into the “fun” account and this should not to be used for anything else. It doesn’t matter the amount but the key is to have discipline to save in order to “spoil” yourselves occasionally. 

Don’t leave your fun to chance or to the time when you retire and get your pension. Problems and busyness will never end. 

What activities do you enjoy doing together as a couple? Travel, going out for movies, getting each other gifts, hosting parties, etc. Looking at what you did during your dating phase may be a good place to get ideas from.

Once you look back at your journey after many years, the memories you created together will be what you will probably appreciate the most. 

Invest in your memories! Don’t leave them to chance!

3. Practice some daily “rituals”

This is something which happened unintentionally. Life is mostly about routine (repeat same things over and over). We wake up at the same time, do the same things before we leave home to go to our workplaces and then get back home almost at the same time and do almost the same things before going to bed. If we are not intentional about it, the days will continue to go on autopilot. 

Identify some daily routine activities where you can do certain things together even if it is just for a few minutes. One of the things we do is watch the Zambezi Magic series Mpali on DSTV. This is one of the shows in which we were both invested in even prior to our marriage and it has continued to be a key part of our lives. No matter what we would be doing, when time hits 8:30pm, we sit on the couch and get entertained by this interesting drama. We also do the Daily text (Examining the scriptures daily) discussing a bible verse for the day each morning around 6:30am for about 10 minutes. 

This now happens automatically and gives us an opportunity to pray as a couple before starting the day. During the weekends, there is time deliberately set aside for certain activities such as movie dates, attending Christian meetings and going out for an outdoor activity. 

The key is not just wanting to do things but setting the intention for the activities by being clear about what is to be done, when it will be done and how it will be done.

4. Put Up with one another

When you have stayed with someone for some time, you begin to see their flaws. It is very easy to start focusing on the shortcomings of our partners. I certainly observed this in our marriage. And this would “tick me off” and I wouldn’t hesitate to complain to my wife. One thing which has helped us a lot was these periods is that during our marriage counselling; an emphasis was put on this aspect of life:

“We are two different people with uniquely two different backgrounds. We will not always agree and there is something which she likes which I may not necessarily enjoy.” 

My wife likes to binge watch movies, and, on a weekend, she can sit and watch one movie after the other while still in bed and I wouldn’t get her. It would sometimes get on my nerves. On occasions, I also like to sit in the bedroom and just write in my journal for hours and my wife would come in and say it seems you don’t want to spend time with me.

My wife likes to watch fantasy movies and I like to watch documentaries and we may want to watch our program’s at the same time and not willing to compromise. This would lead to misunderstandings. 

One scripture which has helped us is the book of Colossians 3:13:

“Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely even if anyone has a cause for complaint against another. Just as Jehovah  freely forgave you, you must also do the same.”

There will never be a perfect harmony between two people as we are not perfect. And even if you enjoy similar things, there will always be some areas in which you just have to “put up with each other”. If it is not something bordering on emotional or physical abuse, etc. let us strive to be best for each other.

Not everything is worth fighting for. Sometimes it’s good to just let your partner have it if it’s what makes them truly happy and it “doesn’t kill you”. You will find that once they are happy, they will most likely save you well and their joy in doing the activity might rub off on you.

5. Remember why you started

Why are Independence Day commemorations of a country held? I think it is a reminder of why they started on this journey or why they exist as they are. A reminder that it wasn’t by accident but it was driven by certain desires and actions that were undertaken by themselves (or their ancestors). 

An anniversary is a good opportunity to remind a couple why and where they started from. And in much the same way that even a country that seemed to have lost track since it acquired its independence invests a lot in its Independence Day anniversary, the same effort should go into the wedding anniversary. This is the day that should be a holiday and in which you can sit down to look at the wedding videos and photos of that day. To look back at the day you met or fell in love with each other for the first time, the dating phase and all the moments (especially the good experiences) you have had on your journey. 

A wedding anniversary is a good way to rekindle the fire that you started and invest the lessons gathered from the previous years into the next year of your marriage.


GAME HIGHLIGHTS ILLUSION

“This was a very exciting and close game,
4-3!”

These were the words my wife said as she
watched highlights of the Champions League 1st leg encounter between Real
Madrid and Manchester City.

Having watched the full game a night
before, I remember thinking to myself, exciting game yes, close game-No! City should
have buried this game in the 1st 30 minutes but for missed chances.

For my wife though, the 5 minutes highlights was enough to base her overall assessment
of the entire game (90 minutes).

And to a large degree that is how we base our
assessment of the game of life. On the final or outward appearance of things. This
can be through pictures or videos presented to us on social media. 

The following are the four lessons
learned through this interaction:

A.   
Don’t compare
your life based on a small fraction of someone’s else’s life

There is a common tendency to evaluate
our lives based on the highlights of another person’s life. We compare our full
lives (100%) to 5% representation of another person’s life which is mostly
their best parts. When this happens, the mental evaluation scales are distorted and will not be in
your favor. You end up believing you are a loser.

B.   
Those who don’t win
were not good enough

Sometimes even the best team loses. City
were the better team in terms of possession, chances created, etc. over the two
legs but they ended up on the wrong side of the scoreboard. Ecclesiastes 9:11 sums it up well. To a certain extent, luck has a role to play on the outcome. You may do your best and even perform better than others but still not make it. Time and chance.

C.   
Don’t show obstacles
overcome to succeed

Looking at the final scoreboard doesn’t tell
us how much effort went into achieving success. Watching the first half of the
game felt like Madrid would be run over by their opponents. But they were resilient despite the unsurmountable
pressure from City. 

Most of the highlights we see may seem like overnight success, but it
takes a lot of sacrifice, setbacks, and even years to begin to see the fruits. Highlights
don’t show you the sweat.

D.   
1-Dimensional
view of life

Highlights give us a limited view of the
match e.g., goals scored and assists. It may not show the other aspects of the game
such as the critical saves by the goalkeeper or tackles by defender, the work
rate of a midfielder to intercepts passes, etc. 

In life, the scoreboard
maybe based on money, power, fame, work, etc. but overlook other faucets
which may not be easier to measure such as happiness, inner peace,
relationships, etc. 


We judge so much of our game (life) based on a tiny and
visible aspects of someone’s else’s match. But highlight’s don’t tell the whole story and if not careful may lead us into an illusion of perfection which may not attainable.

WHAT ARE YOU LACKING?

 “Before the war, my dream was
to play a match with Roger Federer but now the only thing I wish for is to survive.”

These were the words echoed by 97-year-old
Ukrainian Leonid Stanislavskyi who happens to be the oldest Tennis player in
the world.  

Watching events unfold in Ukraine has made
me realize how I have taken for granted the things I already have. More
especially the basics; food, clothing, shelter and peace.

For most of us, when we went to sleep
last night, we did not worry about a missile hitting our home, where will be getting
our next meal, whether our family and friends are safe elsewhere, or how our
life will be if we cross over to a neighbouring country as a refugee.

These are the least of our worries!

And yet 2 months ago, these were the least
of the worries for most people in Ukraine. And now millions of people have fled
the country leaving behind everything (houses, cars, businesses, projects, etc)
to seek refuge and peace.

So rather than being preoccupied with our
wants-more money, bigger car or house, fame, etc, how about first appreciating the things we already have; shelter, food, clothing and Peace.

 

HOW TO AVOID OVERUNNING YOUR “PROGRAMS”

Russian’s invasion of Ukraine has made me watch
international news channels such as Al Jazeera, CNN, etc in past 3 weeks than I
have for most of my life. In this same period, because of the state burial, I
watched our national broadcaster’s news and made an interesting observation.

 

This bordered on the level of adherence to the
programming by international news channels as opposed to our local stations.

Currently, global news has been focused on the Russian
invasion of Ukraine with 90% and sometimes even 100% content for every news broadcast.
The rest of the news has been left to either appear as subtitles (delegated at
the bottom of the screen) or completed removed from the programming. They have
focused on the “important” content as opposed to trying to share all the news
items they may have. As a result, they are mostly on schedule with no
cancelling or delay of programs.

Coming to our local broadcaster, even if the main item
was the state burial, watching the news felt as though everything had to be
shown so long as it reached the newsroom. On a day of having an exceptional
event (state burial), most of the reporting focused expectedly on the function
which covered more than 60% of main news time. However, the news continued with
more content than the allocated time and it was no surprising that some
programs after the news had to be cancelled or rescheduled.

In my early days of work, I noticed that I was running my
daily schedules (programming) like our local broadcaster. I would write down
every possible activity (news item) which I could think of doing for that day
on my to do list (schedule). My diary would be filled with to do list which
looked more like history lesson notes.

My aim was to action all the items on my list (show all
the news). Productivity was all about number of activities I crossed out at end
of the day. As a result, I ended up knocking off late from work and on most
occasions working even on weekends. I overrun my programming leading to stress
and burnouts on regular occasions.

What I have learnt now is to streamline what is critical
by working on vital (“newsworthy”) activities and eliminate or
delegate the rest. In as much as we would like to do more, we only have a
limited time and energy which is better channelled towards your prime activities.

By working on (showing) a few important tasks (news
items) at work each day, you will reduce unnecessary burnouts (overrunning) in
your life (programs) and make time for other important things in your social
and spiritual spheres of life.