Category Archives: Blog

On Friday 18th March 2022, as I followed proceedings of
the burial of Zambia’s fourth president, Rupiah Banda on ZNBC, I could not help
but be moved by the many sentiments said about the deceased.

Family, friends, and people from all walks of life
recounted the special moments they had with someone who was affectionately
called RB. From the daughter who recounted the song she sang with the father so
beautifully to the tributes of his statesmanship, unifier of the country, peace
maker, etc. from others.

 

As I watched the news later that evening, a lot more
tributes were made based on what each person remembered the most about RB.

“BC!” This was the word which popped up in my
mind as the day’s events unfolded. BC was a term which referred to the meal
allowance paid to students at the University of Zambia (UNZA). The allowance
was dispersed by the Bursaries Committee hence the name BC.

During his tenure as president, RB answered the students
long standing plea for improvement in meal and project allowance by increasing
BC by over 50%. In that moment, I realized RB had a more direct impact on my
life than I thought.

This made me ask; how are my daily decisions and actions
affecting others?

Whether we know it or not, what we do or don’t do is in
one way or another affecting others.

The death of someone accords us an opportunity to reflect
on our own mortality. This can in turn help us to be more deliberate about how
we treat others, especially those who are closest to us.

When all is said and done, it is the little things such
as enjoying a meal together, singing songs with your loved ones, improving
living conditions of people when it’s in your power, etc. that will continue to
shine brightest when your light fades away.

One of the busiest periods of my life was the time I was
at the University of Zambia (Unza). Doing a demanding program (Engineering), I barely had time to myself. Most
of my life was focussed on engaging in academic work such as attending classes,
doing assignments, studying, and attending lab sessions. I was either too busy
or too tired to engage in any out of school activity and unless if it was
watching my movie series, football, or occasional night outs with my friends, I
would most certainly pass on other activities. And it was not because I didn’t want
to do them but for reasons as; something might go wrong, don’t have clothes for
the occasion, don’t have a girlfriend to go with, we will attend it next time,
etc.

But in fifth year, I found myself doing rather than
giving excuses. I attended most events for the first time such as the popular annual
drama; Kojo comes to campus, functions within and outside campus like school trip to Livingstone, school parties, industry talks, even going to the Goma lakes to simply sit and soak into the breeze and not just watching it from a distance, etc. 

During my final year, the ‘work’ conditions and the
environment were generally the same as before (from 1^st to 4^th
year). How come I was able to participate in more activities than the previous years?

My ‘mafifi’ brain had kicked in!

Consciously or unconsciously, my fifth year was like a
now or never situation. As a student in campus, every activity or opportunity was literally like my last. I could not afford to forego an opportunity because I
was too tired, too busy, didn’t feel ready, etc. as I didn’t have the
luxury of next time. It was either I do it or not in which case they will be no
university drama, trip, party, etc. for me to experience.

Do you find yourself having excuses for not doing things you want to because you are too busy, too tired, etc. to engage in them?

After relieving my university experience, I have now realized that one of the reasons could be because we feel that another chance will come to do the activity under “perfect” circumstances.

We forego going out for dinner with
family because we busy and will just wait for next weekend when
we less busy. Then when next weekend arrives, we too tired or don’t have the
clothes or maybe its raining. We postpone that trip that we have always wanted
to undertake, meeting the person you have always wanted to
meet, etc. for several reasons. We normally do this because at the back of our
minds, we still have enough time and most likely have another shot at it.

Sooner rather than later, our final year (change of location or job, retirement, old age, health, etc) will come.

Rather than waiting until then to make amends, it is time to adopt the “mafifi” mentality now and live each
moment that we have as if it’s our last in this university of life.

“Life is a game and in order to win any game, you
need to understand the game.”

This is perhaps my father in laws favourite phrase.
Having had numerous conversations, he has explained this concept to me in
detail which will be subject for another day.

Now long retired medical doctor to focus on his
businesses, he asked me if there was something that I was working on besides my
job. I said nothing currently and gave him the reason was mostly due to a lack
of time.

He gave me the following advice:

“Every day you work for your company, from 8am to
5pm (9hrs/day), use 1hr of the remaining time to work on your business. If you
just work for 1hr each day, after 1 month you would have worked for about
20hrs. Imagine the progress you would make in 20hrs?”

I got the advice but like always most things are easier
said than done. I could only see myself doing this on weekends or holidays when
I was not working and no pressing issues requiring my attention.

After the days job, am too tired to do anything and the last
thing I want is to engage in any kind of work.

However, his advice on life being a game never left me.
Recently, I started looking at time like a game. And to win against this
opponent, I needed to make changes.

In much the same way that you wouldn’t expect a losing
teams fortune to change in a football match unless the coach (you) makes some
alterations by doing the following:

Formation change

One way the proceedings of a game can change is when the
coach adjusts the team’s formation. This entails maintaining the same players
but re-aligning them to counter the opponent’s system. A coach may decide to
simply change formation from 4-5-1 to 4-3-3 (defence to attack minded but with
the same players when they concede). In much the same way, you can adjust your
formation for your “game” by changing the time that you sleep and
wake up. Rather than sleeping close to midnight then having to wake up at 6am,
you sleep at 10pm so you can wake up at 4am (from 12am-6am to 10pm-4am
formation). This way, you have the same hours of sleep (6hrs) but you will
mostly likely be more effective working in the morning than in the evening.

Complementation

In other instances, a coach might instruct the left/right
backs/wingers to overlap from defence to attack and vis-versa. This means they
each play two positions depending on the circumstances they are in (attacking
or defending). Similarly in life, you may decide to overlap or multi-task your
work to get the most out of your time. For example, the time that you drive or
commute to and from work can be used to listen to audiobooks on radio or phone
which can help with your business (side hustle, work, spiritual, family, etc
whatever it is you want to improve on).

You are performing an activity which is an unavoidable
(commuting) while at the same time learning and becoming better in your life.

Substitution

When a coach (you) observes that his team is having
difficulties against an opponent (time), he normally looks for where the
weakest link (player or activity) is and in most cases removes and replaces him
with another player. In a similar fashion, when you notice that you are having
difficulties to do the things you want to do due to time, look at some of your
activities (players) and see if you can substitute them with others. For
example, you can cut-off or reduce the time you spend browsing the net or
watching TV. This can seem painful in much the same way that a coach sometimes
sacrifices their star player in a game when they observe that they are not
helping the teams cause.

They will always be the same 24hrs in a day and this is
not going to change anytime soon.

The truth of the matter is that unless the formation
changes, you will keep getting the same results against time. Time is an
opponent who will never change, and it will keep pressing on to the finishing
line of your game (life).

Time is relentless and never rests to give you a chance
to focus on those things you have always wanted to do.

How are things going in your “game” against time? 

If you one of those who wish for more time like me, now maybe the time to make some tough calls to substitute,
complement or change formation to have any chance of winning your
game against time.

As I drive to and from work on the Ndola-Kitwe Road, I
have on occasions come across heavy downpour of rain. This can be frustrating
as I have had to pull over or proceed with extreme caution arriving late for work or an appointment. 

That is what happens with life, a condition (bad weather)
may arise along your “journey” which negatively affects the quality of your life. This may be an illness, relationship problem, loss of loved one, employment or business, etc. This
can affect your ability to “drive” through life at the pace you might have wanted
to.

Trying to maintain your normal busy life while facing
certain conditions is tantamount to driving your car at 180km/hr in very bad
weather because you want to reach your destination (goals) on time. You are risking your
life as well as that of the passengers (loved ones).

Sometimes, its better to slow down and focus on taking care of that one condition.
Park on the side and go to the hospital, rehabilitation centre, a holiday or take whatever
action which will significantly improve the situation.

Clearing that one condition (bad weather) in your life leads to a better overall experience as you get back on your journey.

You may certainly miss out on reaching your destination or goal on time but like they say “it’s better late than never.”

“Should marriage be a lifetime union or commitment?” The
preacher paused as he looked intently at the soon to be wed couple with these
opening remarks to his marriage talk.

“To know the answer, we can start by looking at the
marriage vows, what do they say?” He continued.

“For better for worse…. till death do us part……so long
as we both shall leave.”

What does this mean?

“The union you have entered into is a lifetime commitment.
Henceforth you should know this union is not reversible. There is no reverse
gear.”

Why do we respect the vows?

Genesis 2:24: “A man will leave his father and his mother
and stick to his wife.”

This indicates the intimacy and permanency of the marriage
union. It is the only relationship that God said they will become one flesh. It
means former ties to friends and relatives have to be adjusted. Friends and
family can no longer take priority. Your mate is your number 1 priority.

How can you make it last?

Matthew 22:37-39: Love God with your whole
heart…….and love your neighbour as yourself.

“God is paramount example of Love. This scripture
expresses the desire to completely devote our lives to Jehovah. Zemba your
nearest neighbour is Sylvia and Sylvia your nearest is your husband. You must
love each.”

Why should we cultivate love of God and our neighbour?

Ecclesiastes 4:12:“…… A threefold cord cannot quickly be
torn apart.

Love can make marriage stronger, but it will become even
stronger if God is part of it. This makes it become a 3-fold cord.

To the Husband

Ephesians 5:25,28,29: “Husbands, continue loving your
wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation and gave himself up for
it………… In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
A man who loves his wife loves himself for no man ever hated his own body, but
he feeds and cherishes it, just as the Christ does the congregation.”

“Zemba, this is not a request but a command to continue
showing enduring love to Sylvia. You must love your wife as your own body. You
are now responsible for the well-being of your wife both physically and
spiritually.”

To the Wife

Ephesians 5:24,33: “On the other hand, the wife should
have deep respect for her husband.”

“Sylvia, you are reminded to be in subjection to your
husband. This is in line with headship i.e., Christ head of the congregation
and God head of the Christ.”

Two key things to be aware of: i) be in subjection to
your husband ii) have deep respect for your husband

“Work hard for the good of your household. Show him by
your actions that you love and deeply respect him. Always speak well of your
husband. Be a reason why he will rush home from work. For most husbands, they
work overtime to avoid reaching home early because of their wife. Remember you are a helper not a competitor.”

Clothe yourselves with love

Colossians 3:12-14:“…………… clothe yourselves with love, for
it is a perfect bond of union.”

We wear clothes to look nice, to keep us warm in winter
or to protect ourselves as in the case of personal protective equipment (PPE).
In a similar vein, clothing yourselves with love means it will beautify you in
public, protect you or keep you warm during challenging times, etc.

Always look for ways to show you love your met dearly. “Even doing small things like calling each other sweetie, honey, baby, etc. or buying each other small gifts like sweets which you know your met likes. It is not the size of the gift that matters but
the thought behind it because this shows that you were thinking of him/her when
you do it.”

If you do the small things, they will strengthen your
marriage and make it a lifetime union filled with joy and love.

 

“In the next 100 years none of us in this meeting will be here. But we don’t want to think about it and would rather think about other things. When one of our close loved one’s dies; we are forced to think about our own death.”

The above were the opening remarks one of the speakers made during the memorial service.

He went on to quote from the book of Luke 12:16-21 in what is commonly referred to us the parable of the rich fool. The moral of the story being we shouldn’t store up earthly riches at the expense of our relationship with God.

As I listened to the speeches from friends, family, and
workmates to the deceased, one thing caught my attention. 

The daily activities which we take for granted are the things which people remember and treasure the most.

They fondly spoke of the conversations they had, jokes and meals they shared together and little things he did for them.

 

One of the family members read from the book of Romans 12:6-8 which encourages us to make use of the gifts that God has given us to
the best of our capabilities.

What gift has the Creator given you? Don’t let it go with
you to the grave without giving it a shot.

The scripture of Ecclesiastes 7:1-2 was also read to emphasize the importance of attending such an event as it all
reminds us of what our fate is ultimately going to be.

“For death is the destiny of every man, the living should take this to heart.”

A family member quoted the scripture of Revelations 21:4 which reminds us that even us we mourn, we should not mourn like those without hope.

Let us reflect on our own mortality. By so doing we will
learn to treasure the gift of life and not to take
anything or anyone for granted.

 

The short-lived answer to this question is because I want
to be happy. And by this, I mean experience joy in all areas of my life.

I have only one life. And this life that I was given has
several components/spheres to it.

i) Social Dimension

On one part is the social aspect in which I have to
connect or live with others in order to survive (no man is an island).

ii) Work (Vocation) Dimension

This consist of what I will do with my life which will
enable me to make a living while contributing something to this world.

iii) Spiritual Dimension

A part of me wants to find meaning to this life. It asks
questions such as; why am I here? what is the whole reason for this life? Why do
I and others suffer and die?

All the above spheres cross our paths as we live in this
life daily.

How The Dimensions Interact

Each day I wake up at home, I must connect with my wife
before proceeding to work where I pursue/make a living to support my
family.

I must contend on a regular basis with emotions of joy
and sadness and several questions which cross my mind on what this life is for.

 

Once work is done, I must link up with my friends or
family at home.

Each part of life is important and the condition of one spills
over to the next.

I can be doing so well at work (career) but can be
miserable in my marriage/relationships and that wouldn’t complete my joy.

The key is to strive for wholeness. Invest in all areas
of my life; Spiritual, Social as well as Professional.

Everything affects everything else. 

Sometime in November, 2002 we had just completed writing our final grade 9 exam paper and as we stepped out of the exam room we were on cloud 9. Our junior secondary days were over!

As I caught up with my friends knowing that for most of them this was the end of the journey at Kabulonga boys and possibly last time we would see each other. We were all excited and looking forward to the holidays to catch up on the much needed rest.

We shared our plans for the holidays which was mostly to rest and play. One of my friends though had a different plan. He had already organized grade 10 books and after resting for a while his plan was to start preparing for grade 10. We laughed at him and tried to advise him to rest like what everyone would be doing. 

“We can always study once we go back in school. You don’t even know the school you will go to and subjects you might be taking.” we insisted. 

But he had non of that, he was already geared to work during the “off season.”

Some 3 months later, our results were officially announced and we had made it to grade 10 to the schools of our choice. 

Once in grade 10, most of us had a lackluster attitude towards our school work. We just did whatever was required of us in class and nothing more. Our friend on the other hand continued to work with the same level of intensity that I had seen him with since grade 8. 

By grade 12 we had started pulling up our socks and catching up such that by exam time it felt as though we were all on the same page with him. 

On November 25th, 2005 we wrote our final grade 12 exam and just like in grade 9 we were excited because we had the whole year to rest/play in society (or sosido as we called it) before we could start thinking of college in 2007. 

In the meantime, by January 2006 our friend had enrolled (even before results came out) in a program which he diligently undertook.

In April 2006 grade 12 results were announced and just like in grade 9, our results in the group didn’t come out any different at this stage.

At that time, I even thought there is no point in consistently working hard, just wait for the right time (just before exams or exam year) before you get serious. 

Once results came out, we could now apply to university for the following years intake.

By the time we were in 2nd year of university, our friend graduated and started working and with the same work ethic he had in school, he quickly rose through the ranks. As we were completing our tertiary education, there was a clear difference in terms of our professional lives. This was after almost 10 years from the time we met in grade 8.

I had for sometime wanted to find out what made him have a strong work ethic for such a consistent period. I looked forward to a time when we would meet in person to ask him.

Fortunately, I discovered the answer earlier than our meeting. After writing this article on my blog about a lesson I had learnt from my class in my junior high school, I had shared the link of this article on my Facebook wall.

 He made a comment which answered my question and helped me understand what could have sustained his level of effort over the long haul. He said:

“For me, early on in my life, I learnt
from this that I could do anything I wanted to do, become anything I wanted to
become.”

When I read his comment, the light bulbs switched on in my mind. For what else could make him study when there is no exam in sight, to work hard when everyone else around him was resting and urging him to follow suit except that he was thinking way ahead of that time.

 

While we were viewing each final exam (resolution) as an end, for him it was a bridge. While we were busy celebrating each exam completion (end of year) as if the world had come to an end, he was busy preparing for his next adventure (new year). And while we would only put in our best during exam period (on demand) he showed up all year round (self motivated).

While what we were fixated on was going from junior to high school, his sights were on college to becoming the professional he wanted to be and beyond.

If we can stretch our minds to think of the kind of person we want to become beyond this year, we might find it easier to overcome the obstacles which always show up whenever we try to improve ourselves. If like my friend you know what you want in the long term, you wont be so obsessed with short term results. Instead, you focus on the process i.e. developing the skills, habits and routines which sustain you over a long period of time.

Through this lesson, I realized that if I want to experience any major transformation in my life, I must be willing to do the work for long consistent periods without enjoying the fruits.

Your goals may not be accomplished in 2022 but what is more important is to make progress in the direction of those goals.  

And if you commit to a path, a practice, a discipline, a routine long enough (6 months, 1,2,3,4,5, etc. years) something is going to give. 

What view did you have when you came up with your 2022 resolutions? Are the goals the end in themselves or are they stepping stones beyond 2022?  

As an adage goes:

People tend to overestimate
what they can do in one year but underestimate what they can achieve in 10
years. 

It’s time to think beyond the grade (year). Its time to Play the Long Game!

 I recently had a phone conversation with my friend and former classmate from junior to high school. As it had been a while since our last communication, I noticed a significant change in the contents of our verbal chat. The conversations seemed more deeper and probing as rather than talking about the usual gossip and who is doing what it centered on what kind of things we want to do and what motivated the decisions.

At one point my friend spoke about how he found the subjects biology and chemistry in high school interesting even though he went
on to pursue Accountancy as his career. 

“I thought its because you were the best in Math’s hence Accountancy was the perfect fit for you?” I questioned. 

“Yes, I was good in Math’s because I had to work hard to get those results, but I didn’t find it as interesting as I found the sciences.” He responded.

Then I asked him why he pursued Accountancy? He recollected a moment in high school at which one of our classmates remarked:

“Accountants at KCM and Mopani get k40pin per month!” 

“And just like that I was sold!” He remarked.

We had a hearty laugh over this story as it reminded us of the good old days and the moments we shared with our ex-classmates.

Staying on this topic, I told him about how in high school, subjects of civics, history and english were much easier to understand for me than the sciences. I had to put in less effort to get the grades I got as compared to double the effort to pass the sciences.

I then explained to him how I decided on my route based on an Engineer in my neighborhood who seemed to be making a lot of money. I
started looking up to him and decided one day during my primary school days that:

“When I grow up, I want to be like him”. As he concluded my story with the statement; “you were sold!

We burst into another round of laughter.

After our interaction, I pondered on but one statement my friend made during our chat: “You were sold!”

Prior to this conversation, I thought that the decision I made was 100% mine. After all, am the one who made up my mind on this, no one told me to do it. 

Our decisions feel like ours because no one tells or forces us to make them. For example, when we go shopping for a shoe, no one tells us to buy the one we decide on. However, the motivation behind our choice maybe based on what we saw a friend or celebrity wear, trending fashion or advert, etc.

We may feel like the decisions we have made are ours when in the actual sense we have simply been “sold” into making them either knowingly or unknowingly.

We have in one way or another bought some one’s else’s plan in different area’s of our lives. This could be in our career, marriage, relationships, business, etc. The question is whose is it? Is it our parents, friend, uncle, celebrity, etc. And knowing what you now know, is that ok?

Start taking a keen interest in your life to ensure you “buying” the plans which are in alignment with your inner voice.